Useless Ass Blog

If you’ve ever been on vacation in Hawaii or the Caribbean, then you know how difficult it can be to bring a sea turtle home with you. Here are some great tips for navigating the airport and customs with a sea turtle so you don’t have to disappoint a loved one.

1. Preliminary Step - Acquire a Sea Turtle

The best way to acquire a sea turtle is to go on a sea turtle nesting watch tour, which will get you close enough to grab one. Make sure to ask your tour guide lots of important sea turtle questions, like “Is there a good way to know which turtle will be get along best with my dog? Where can I get a new shell if I think that the one it comes with is ugly or it doesn’t really match my decorating style?”

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Down in the dumps? Then take some drastic action to change your mood today… by stealing yourself a PUPPY!!!!  Hooray!!!!!!

Adopt a Native American Land Ownership Philosophy Towards Puppies

Puppies, much like land, really belong to everyone. That is why if you see someone on the street with a puppy, you are allowed to hold them up for as long as you want in order to pet it. Because it’s yours. And mine. And EVERYONE’S!! Except for the poop part. That part is just yours. Read the rest of this article »