6 Things You Can Do If You Have an LOLdong
If you have an LOLdong (a dong that is small or otherwise hilarious), it can make you feel ashamed or unable to succeed in business. Here are some things you can do to help yourself feel better and to help compensate.
1. Add A Caption
Like with LOLcats, adding a caption to your LOLdong in the form of a sign or a note is a good way to embrace it and turn it into a positive that makes people smile - “HIDIN’, IZ DOIN IT”, “I IZ TINY BUT BOOTIFUL” or “OH HAI, I IZ IMPRESSD U FOUN MEEZ.”
2. Buy a SMART Car
Traditionally, a sports car like a Camaro or an Infiniti G35 coupe has been used for compensating for an LOLdong. But we would suggest going in the opposite direction. A Smart Car is obviously a poor choice for compensating for an LOLdong, which is why Smart Car drivers are perhaps least likely to be suspected of having one.
A very small car and a very small dong is thought to be a risky combination that no one can recover from, thus people will assume that “There’s no way that the guy driving that car has an LOLdong. There’s just no way.”
3. Request That People Not Laugh Because It’s Hurtful
This is pretty straight forward and can yield some good results.
4. Join the Polar Bear Club
It’s difficult to maintain a normal dong size in freezing cold water, so LOLdongs blend in well here. Just don’t get over-confident and start flashing your tiny dong everywhere, because the Polar Bears may become suspicious and accuse you having an actual LOLdong rather than a cold water-induced LOLdong.
5. Don’t Show Your Dong To a Lot Of People
This is not really a realistic option but we thought we would put it here anyway. Remember that this is risky because not showing your dong to a lot of people can be viewed as rude or that you are very private which is annoying nowadays - “Yeah, he’s okay I guess, but he’s one of those types who won’t show his dong to people in social situations, and I always end up feeling like ‘get over yourself’, you know?”
6. Pimp It
Pimping your LOLdong can detract away from its physical inadequacies or irregularities. There are many different dong accessories that can fulfill this task, but perhaps the most useful is a dong organizer, which has the added benefit of increasing the storage capacity of your dong and drastically increasing it’s usability. This is good because people will generally overlook an LOLdong if it has a pocket for coins, a compass or a reading light.
Which solution do you think is most effective? Did you think the “Cheetos” post was half-assed? Let us know with an amazing comment!!!!
Photo Credits: [prashanti zi, voxhumana, lornagrl]
anon said
am April 2 2008 @ 2:56 pm
I did think the cheetos post was half assed, but I did chuckle once during it.
danny said
am April 2 2008 @ 4:32 pm
Yes, it was crappy and haunted my dreams. During which part did you semi-chuckle?
anon said
am April 3 2008 @ 10:57 am
The part about waving the cheetos like airline runway personnel.
I also snickered about crunching them loudly to call attention to the choking victim. So a chuckle AND a snicker…not too shabby for a half assed post.
danny said
am April 3 2008 @ 12:12 pm
Anon, you have done me a great service.
Your 1 chuckle, 1 snicker lifeline has plucked me from the lower depths of my self-loathing and shame over the Cheetos post, and allowed me to bask, ever so briefly, in the glory of acceptance.
I can now move on to loathing/shaming myself over the current posts that I am writing, which is a much better use of my time. Clearly I now need some sort of snicker/chuckle/laugh measurement system so I can more accurately apply the correct level of self-loathing to each post.
markus941 said
am April 3 2008 @ 1:41 pm
Dong organizers - but do they WORK? At least as well as anal bum covers?
1. Cheetos post was eh. Chester is a perv now so they’re dead to me.
2. It’s a good thing my G35 is a sedan.
3. More penis and ass posts, please.
danny said
am April 3 2008 @ 7:13 pm
Markus,
I will address your well-formed points in reverse order. Yessir, more piping hot penis and ass posts coming your way. 2 doors makes a huuuge difference. Agreed on new Chester’s perviness (especially when he says “Felicia”) but Cheetos will never be dead to me. They definitely work, my dong has never been more organized, but I’m not using one for the reasons suggested in the post, I just really love shopping at Brookstone.