7 Ways to Apologize for Attempting Ass Sex Without Permission
Nowadays, girls are very protective of their asses which can be annoying. If it’s your girlfriend who’s being protective, you may become frustrated and want to shortcut the process by just going for it. This is understandable but will make some girls mad. Here are some things you can say that can help make your girlfriend less mad.
1. “I’m sorry we had a misunderstanding. Both of us should commit to communicating better.”
When a girl gets mad due to ass sex, it’s usually the result of a misunderstanding or a general confusion about each other’s personal goals. This is a courteous way to remind her that both people are to blame when a miscommunication occurs. You are acknowledging this shared responsibility and laying out a roadmap to get your relationship back on track.
2. “I thought we were ready emotionally.”
This is good because it establishes that this is not a physical thing for you and that you are just trying to connect. You recognize the emotions involved in ass sex and you felt confident enough in the strength of your relationship to try and advance it.
3. “I can’t know everything I’m not supposed to do.”
It’s good to set reasonable expectations for your behavior. You really can’t know everything you’re not supposed to do, so this is tough to argue against.
If she has said explicitly “I do not want you to do that, I’m not into it” then you can use a Green Eggs and Ham defense and be like, “But you didn’t say specifically that you didn’t want me to do it during American Idol. Maybe I should list a bunch of situations and you can say whether or not you would be into trying ass sex during them. That would give me greater clarity.”
4. “I am trying to take more initiative in planning activities for us.”
This demonstrates that you recognize that it’s not just her job to come up with things for you to do as a couple. You are thinking outside the box for things that you both of you can do that are fun. Also, it establishes that this wasn’t some impulsive decision, you planned on doing it.
She will probably appreciate that and realize that not everything you come up with will be fun for both of you, but that’s what happens when you are pushing the envelope and your relationship is growing.
5. “I wanted to surprise you.”
If she’s more of the spontaneous type than use this instead of the above.
6. “I asked my friends and they said that I should just go for it.”
Letting her know that you sought the advice of others before making a decision on how to behave is good because it demonstrates that you didn’t act rashly. You have recognized that you might not always make the best decisions so you sought the counsel and opinions of people you trust.
Also, it opens her up to the possibility that maybe she is wrong and that ass sex without permission is okay because other people she knows share your point of view.
7. “I felt mad at first when you prevented me from doing it. But now I’m getting over it.”
Don’t be afraid to let her know how it made you feel when she didn’t allow you to proceed. Being prevented from doing what you want can make you feel frustrated and mad. It is detrimental to both of you if you don’t share those impulses and learn from them.
BONUS! ”You know how it’s really annoying when someone is super polite and they keep asking for permission to do really basic stuff, like ‘Can I use the bathroom?’ or ‘Is it okay if I get a drink of water?’ I thought this fell into that category.”
This will register deeply with her because it is reeeally annoying when people do that. Even if doing stuff without asking is sometimes rude, it is definitely better than being thought of as too polite, so she will understand your struggle in finding a balance.
What are your thoughts on proper ass sex etiquette? Which of the above responses is your favorite!? Let us know!
Photo Credit: [you-did]
liam said
am April 13 2008 @ 2:06 pm
or ‘my dick slipped’
JJ said
am April 14 2008 @ 10:11 pm
Or I got the holes mixed up? Rubbish excuses, try asking right out.
danny said
am April 14 2008 @ 11:06 pm
Liam,
How dare you disparage my carefully crafted ass sex post with your roguish language.
JJ,
Excellent suggestion and superb use of the word ‘rubbish’.
I rarely ask anyone anything directly. Instead, I prefer to come up with elaborate and overly-complicated/doomed-to-fail ways of indirectly communicating what I am after. This increases my chances of being disappointed, which increases my chances of feeling mopey, which increases my chances of drinking whiskey. And that is how I have been able to consistently exceed my weekly whiskey consumption goals in 2008.
Josh said
am April 14 2008 @ 11:46 pm
I was able to genuinely use the “misunderstanding” one, and to be honest, it really works! She was all like “ok, I guess I am sorry. I didn’t know you liked that…next time ask, and we’ll see” sort of thing, and I was like “EFFING A!” and I meant it literally! Had I known about the other 6 plus bonus, I might have been able to pull it off that same night!
danny said
am April 15 2008 @ 1:03 am
Josh,
You sir, with your tale of Useless Ass Blog advice in action, are a champion. Amazing! Yes, it is a shame that you had not found this page previously, but your innate sense of Useless Assness guided you well.
The only solution is to now check Useless Ass Blog before you do ANYTHING, in order to make sure that you can make well-informed decisions and react nimbly to all life situations.
hipmonkey said
am April 15 2008 @ 2:00 pm
As they say in the navy, there is no wrong hole….
danny said
am April 15 2008 @ 4:27 pm
Hipmonkey,
Look man, this is my art. You can’t just come blazing in here with your “Navy” and your “holes”. It upsets the delicate balance that is my ass sex post. Shame on you.
vmaster said
am April 16 2008 @ 3:00 am
You must think women are idiots.Well,maybe the girls that would date you are.
pook said
am April 16 2008 @ 3:01 am
If you want ass ask your buddy.It is just a homo thing.
danny said
am April 16 2008 @ 8:30 am
Vmaster / Pook / All Of The Other Aliases You Are Planning on Using,
Firstly, these ideas are diabolically clever, so I don’t appreciate you insinuating that they would only work on someone who is stupid. Also, I informed all the women I have dated that you think they are stupid and they were very angry and hurt. Most of them can’t speak in a recognizable language, ala Jodie Foster in Nell, but their grunting was a mixture of anger and sadness.
Secondly, it clearly isn’t just a “homo” thing, as you so eloquently put it. Hetero’s were having ass sex waaaaay before homos tried to come sweeping in and claim it was their thing, just like they did with the rainbow, etc. other stuff.
I stand by the historical accuracy of my ass sex post. I hope you can respect that.
dannysgay said
am April 18 2008 @ 5:17 am
I don’t know whats worse…this post or the fact that you have to check back and either bash or gleefully acknowledge posts by “other”(?) people. Get a life and quit pretending its girls you tried to surprise with anal sex.
danny said
am April 18 2008 @ 10:45 am
Dear dannysgay:
Hmmm… which is worse, interesting question. At first I was like “Well, the post is clearly worse, no question. I mean I totally mailed it in on tip #5, the introductory paragraph sounds a little clunky…”
But then I was typing this and I was like “Wait a minute, I am feeling pretty gleeful. Maybe THAT’S worse, because if I were replying without glee (or, listlessly - one of my FAVE words!) to the various comments, then you could argue that I was feeling remorseful over it’s creation.” But since I am replying with glee, I am clearly not remorseful, and perhaps that is worse than the actual post itself.
To be honest, it’s still really a toss-up at this point, I feel no closer to an answer after a few hours worth of thorough ANALysis (CLEVER!).
As to your second sentence, “Get a life AND quit pretending it’s girls you tried to surprise with anal sex”, those are 2 very distinct, lofty goals and I really think that that is a lot to ask of someone via comments on a blog. If you were to revisit your request and select just one of those items, I could begin working on it immediately.
Between you and me though, I really hope you don’t pick “quit pretending it’s girls you try to surprise with anal sex.” I really, really enjoy pretending that, so it will be a huge letdown and will cause me much emotional strife to have to quit it. So, if you care about me at all, please pick “get a life.”
In closing, I would just like to say how awesome I think it is that you entered “dannysgay” as your alias AND “dannysretarted@yahoo.com” as your email address! Because you could’ve just gone for dannysgay and dannysgay@yahoo.com, but you were like “You know what, fuck this guy. I’m putting dannysgay as my alias, AND THEN dannysretarted@yahoo.com as my email. That way he will know that I think he is both retarded and gay, and not just gay, which he could probably deal with. Retarted and gay! How do you like that, asshole!”
Andy said
am August 12 2008 @ 12:51 am
You, sir, are brilliant. I mean that with the utmost sincerity.