Useless Ass Blog

Friends are good to take with you to Canada. But they are are also lazy and might forget or not apply for their passports. Don’t let that stop the fun! Get your passportless friends into Canada with these GREAT tips!

Hide Them in Your Trunk

This is old school but it still works. Insist that they get in the trunk at the beginning of your trip to avoid suspicion, even if you’re many hours/days from the border.

Dress Them Up Like a Bear And Drop Them Off Near The Border

Bears are allowed to cross into Canada without a passport so this is perfect for friends who are big and have a bear-like demeanor. Even if your friend is small, you can totally dress them up like a baby koala. Bears can get hungry, so make sure to pack them plenty of bear snacks like salmon and bamboo.

Don’t tell your friend about your plan as that will ruin the surprise. When you’re getting close to the border, just be like “Here are your bear snacks and bear suit, we will pick you up at the rendezvous point on the other side.” And when they’re like “What? Bear snacks?” just push them out of the car.

Bring Hot Chicks

Hot chicks can get you in anywhere, including Canada, so try approaching the border in the same way you would an exclusive nightclub – “Hi, we’ve got 4 girls with us and my name should be on the list, it’s Steve.”

If they’re like “Okay… um, there’s no ‘list’, this is a border crossing for Canada”, then say that you know Canada’s promoter and he will be really pissed if he hears that you were kept waiting.

Hire a Border-Crossing Expert

Mexicans are innately wicked sweet at border crossing, so hire one to get your friend into Canada. Give your friend the lowdown before you leave him/her with their new guide – “Jorge will guide you to safety. You may pay him in tamales.”

And if your friend is like “Okay but why do I still have to wear the bear suit?” then you can say “Take that up with Jorge. He’s in charge now.”

How do you get your friends into Canada? Let us know!!

Photo Credit: [vasta]