Useless Ass Blog

Nope, that is not a type-o. If you’re eating beef that ISN’T genetically modified, then the California beef scare should give you a lot to worry about.

First Line of Defense

Cows are our first line of defense against the sub-standard beef farm conditions that can endanger our health. They’re our black and white and brown mooing soldiers on the ground that we rely on as a check against farming greed and cruelty. So we need cows that our STRONG and TOUGH and aren’t going to get pushed around.

Not “Downed” Cows. DOWNS COWS!

And genetically modified cows aren’t just strong… they’re RETARD strong! They’re absolutely SHREDDED! So they’re GUARANTEED never to be in some embarrassing video on their little cow knees getting pwned by 3 Mexicans and a fork lift. Hell no! THESE cows are the ones dishing out the pwnage! They can mobilize like the raptors in Jurrasic Park and open doors and do taxes and stuff.

Genetically Modified Cows Are Not Gay

Roger Clemens doesn’t know what a vegan is, but judging by the self-satisfied smirk on his face, he probably thinks it’s something gay. And guess what: it is gay.

And you know what else is gay? Organic beef. Grain-fed beef. Beef that pusses out on hitting the sauce or the hormones or the B-12mones or the genetics. Gay beef. Beef that’s SOOO consumed with being “all-natural” that it becomes soft and comfortable and screams like a girl when the bad men come with their shocking sticks.

Beef that lacks the supplement-reduced cojones and rippling muscles to fight back, and prays for the arrival of an army of Megatron-like, genetically enhanced SUPER cows to sweep in and save them.

What Can I Do to Help?

A lot. Send cows supplements so they can become strong and edgy. Travel to farms and read them angry poetry. Send them larger bell collars so that when their heads mysterious triple in size they can still wear one. Bring them your urine by the gallon so they can beat the drug tests. Be creative, be diligent.

Worried about your beef? Assisted a supercow recently? Let us know!

Photo Credit: [law keven]